Help Caroline raise money

Year 5. Year 5 running the Pittsburgh marathon for the Light of Life Rescue Mission. Nearly $2,000 raised in that time and countless miles covered in the sunshine, rain, and snow. But, the story goes deeper and further than that. The Light of Life Rescue Mission is a place where hope and healing meet for men, women, and families experiencing poverty, homelessness, and addiction. "Families" and "addiction" cut to my core. Over a decade ago, I met a very special man. A man that instantly clicked with me. He was my risk-taker; I was his safety net. He was my biggest fan. He made me laugh, filling my days with encouragement, smiles, and jokes. He was the most generous, selfless man I had ever met. He made friends everywhere he went and would not think twice to give the shirt off his back. This man and I grew in our love and had the sweetest baby boy in 2011. But, this "love story" took a nasty turn. As we were welcoming our baby boy into this world, his world was spiraling into a deep, dark place. 

Jacob fell victim to an injury playing in a recreational soccer league we participated in together. In an attempt to simply rectify the situation mildly, Jacob got relief through pain meds obtained at the hospital in which he worked. Things continued their downward spiral as Jacob lost his job for diverting drugs and falling victim to heroin shortly after. To make a long story short, years and years went like this: recovery and active addiction, heartbreak and happiness, tears and smiles. Jacob was in and out of rehab centers, missed holidays and birthdays, happy in recovery and miserable in addiction.

But, in all this, I learned so much from my experience. Addiction does NOT discriminate. Jacob and I were NOT the type of people who suffer from addiction, so I thought. We were both well-educated, working in respectable fields, came from loving and supportive families. Addiction is a disease. I watched it completely destroy and break down a once confident man. A man who had so much confidence in his abilities and intelligence was also crying on the floor, begging to be "normal" or wishing to be dead. It was certainly not a choice he was making. I simply learned addiction was just not what I thought, not the vision that society painted. It happens everywhere, to anybody, in all walks of life. 

But, Jacob was so so much more than this. He was a friend. He was a brother. He was a son. He was an uncle. He was a cousin. And, most importantly, he was a father. And he took to each of those roles with so much passion. He dedicated his life to his family, he was a natural father. He had the type of patience and attention I could only dream of. And, the deep connection he formed with our son shows in the way our son still loves and craves his father, even in his death. 

You see, as many times as people told me, "just leave him", "why do you put up with the ups and downs?", "how can you continue to allow him to do that?", I saw more than his addiction. I saw everything else simply masked and trapped in the ugliness of addiction. It wasn't so clear as "just leave him". Because I saw that he hated what was happening in his mind. I saw that he truly wanted to be "normal". I saw people leave our lives because of addiction and I vowed to not be just another one of those. I vowed, with everything I had in me, to walk by his side through addiction and recovery, enduring everything that came with it.

Unfortunately, what came was loss. Jacob lost his hard, hard fought battle with addiction. And, although this short story leaves out so many of the nitty gritty details of the battle we faced over many years, I can say with so much certainty that missions like the Light of Life are the relief so many families are yearning for. It connects addicts back with their families, and those families can sleep knowing their loved one is safe and on the road to recovery. It is providing families with the peace of mind knowing people were coming into their lives to help, not leave because it was too messy to deal with. In one of Jacob's times within recovery, he was homeless in the middle of winter, but he was sober. And, when we went to church on Christmas he told me it was the best he ever felt. He felt free, he felt people cared about him, he felt he had the upper hand on addiction. 

This is why I run for the mission. I run so that those suffering from homelessness and addiction can feel that freedom. So that their families can be at peace. So that they all can connect again and move forward towards hope and healing. But, most importantly, so that NOBODY ever has to receive the phone call I did. The one where the voice on the other end says, "Jacob is dead". The phone call that collapses you. The one that you once had nightmares about, making you sick to your stomach. Nothing will ever prepare me for explaining to my son why his father is gone, why his father is in a casket. Taking my son to the first funeral he has ever attended and laying his father to rest. I run to increase awareness and encourage others to recognize that addiction is not the stereotype many have painted in their minds.