Help Katherine raise money

Thank you for supporting NILMDTS. This is an organization that we wish we never had to be a part of but at the same time are eternally grateful for. This year for Rowan and Finn's 2nd birthday I'd love to donate $500 to this organization so that I can pay for 4 more families to have access to these wonderful photographers when they need them. 

On March 15, 2019 I went to my 37 week ultrasound where I heard both of my perfect twin boys' heartbeats beating together for the last time. We went home that day excited that they could be joining us any day now. It was my birthday and my doctor had given me the green light to schedule my c-section for Thursday of the following week. The boys were perfect and I couldn't believe I only had to hang in there for one more week until I got to hold them! 

Early that following Tuesday, I went back to my doctor for my last growth ultrasound before the scheduled c-section on Thursday. It was Matt's last day of work in the ER before his FMLA started and it was the only appointment I had gone to throughout this entire pregancy alone.  The ultrasound technician scanned Rowan and he was perfect. His heartbeat was strong and he was squirming around as usual. When she moved over to Finn and begin taking measurements she fell silent and froze.  I could tell he wasn't moving. She ran out to get the doctor. No heartbeat. I was devastated. Finn was perfect too. They were almost the exact same size. Both fully devleoped. Both perfect. I had to call Matt at the ER and he came right away. It was my worst nightmare.

Once we made it to the hospital I found out that I had to wait 6 hours before my c-section because I had just eaten breakfast before my ultrasound appointment. Those were the the longest 6 hours of my life.  My mind was racing. I was in a fog. I suddenly had to start thinking about how I wanted to bury one of my twins and welcome the other one into the world. It was hell. While the hours passed, my amazing L&D nurse Claudia asked me if I wanted to have someone come take pictures of FInn. I remember feeling scared and unsure about having photographs taken. I didn't know what he would look like or what condition he would be in. I just kept saying "I don't know." I had never heard of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep before. I had never heard of anyone taking pictures of their dead babies before. Was this something people did? Did I want this?  But Claudia knew what we needed and knew we would regret not doing it so she called the NILMDTS photographer. 

Rowan and Finn were born on Tuesday, March 19, 2019 at 4:30pm and 4:33pm. Both perfect and beautiful in every way. Doctors were never able to determine what happend to Finn and why his heart stopped. I think that has been the hardest part for me. 

A few hours after my c-section I met Andie my NILMDTS photographer. We had Finn keeping cool on the cuddle cot in my room beside me. Rowan was in a bassinet next to him. Andie, who coincidentally is also a twin, showed so much grace and kindness while she quietly took family pictures, pictures of all three of my boys together and pictures of my perfect twin boys snuggled together in a bassinet for the last time.  Andie is a volunteer. She does this for free. She is on call for when this happens; such a difficult, selfless but neccessary "job" this is.

Matt and I did not know how badly we would need these photographs she took for us that day. Not only does this organization provide photographs for bereaved parents, it also provides training to medical staff for when they have patients like us. If my amazing nurse had not told me this organization was available to us we wouldn't have these photos todya. These photographs are now our most prized possessions. We have them in a photobook, saved on multiple devices, printed out and framed around the house and on our desks at work. These photos are the only photos we will ever have of our boys together and of our family together.