Help Wendy raise money

I wrote this in February 2022, and haven't read it since, too painful.

I am a mom of three healthy adult kids, all my kids are grown and out on their own doing well.   As a mom myself, when my kiddos were babies, I constantly feared that they could go to sleep and not wake up.   I went many sleepless nights just checking on them frequently to make sure that they were still breathing. I’m making up for all those sleepless nights now that we are empty nesters, I get, or used to get plenty of sleep at night and partake in an afternoon nap if I want.   

In January 2021 my youngest daughter who is 20 announced that she was expecting.  She and her boyfriend were quite nervous, but my husband and I were beyond ecstatic. A grandbaby, a grandbaby is what we were so anxiously waiting for, and it was finally going to happen in September of this same year.   We knew that they were expecting a boy, but they never settled on a name, so I named him Grover.   

I talked to Grover almost daily before he was born, he wasn’t even here yet and his closet at Gigi and Braap Braaps (my husband wanted a cool grandpa name and since he loves motorcycles, he choose Braap Braap) was filled.  We had an abundance of diapers, wipes and provided his mommy and daddy with things they thought he would need.

 In August Grover surprised us by wanting to enter this world, a whole month early and two days before his baby shower!! Grover was renamed to Kai Blade, Kai was born 4 pounds 15oz healthy and strong.  He never stayed in the NICU and was able to go home once he was able to safely fit into his car seat.  He stayed in the hospital a day longer than his mommy, who was able to come to the baby shower. 

Once Kai was home and settled it wasn’t very long before me and Braap Braap was able to baby sit.  At first, he would come and spend the day with us, we were thrilled. When he was about month old, he was able to have sleepovers with us, we were beyond thrilled.  After the first couple of overnights, we bought a rocker for our bedroom for those every two hour feedings. To say that we were in love with this boy is an understatement.  You see, as grandparents we had plans to spend every possible moment that we could with him, he had everything from a motorcycle rocker to a remote-control car that he’d be able to ride in.  He was our world. Our everything.

On January 4^th, 2022, my daughter called me hysterical, could barely understand her. That day my world was shattered, our hearts broke into a million pieces. Kai was gone and my baby, my daughter’s young life was destroyed.  I never thought something like this could happen to my family, but it did, and I didn’t know what to do, how to feel or what to think.

 That day and the days that followed are something that I wish for no mother or father to go through.   At the hospital, we were not allowed to have a private room. All the family had to sit with strangers in the general emergency room waiting area or outside due to COVID restrictions. We are in Ohio, its cold in January. We were given a packet of information about next steps, counseling, and support to take home. All the papers were outdated. I searched the web to find some sort of support group for Kai’s mommy and daddy where I keep hitting a brick wall.  A ‘hotline’ number routed me to voicemail then someone calling back a few days later to let me know that they were in Indiana, and they did not have anyone in Ohio. Eventually, I found a local group zoom meeting, but my daughter and her boyfriend are not ready to talk to a group.  They have individual counselors, but they are unavailable for a few weeks.

Official autopsy results determined that Kai passed away from SIDS. 

 Through this experience I have learned many things, people grieve differently, I am stronger than I give myself credit for.  Something is still missing from my life; I never knew what my purpose was, until now.  I need to do work for awareness of SIDS or helping others by listening and sharing my experience.

 My purpose is Kai Blade.