Help us raise money

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is a nonprofit organization that provides a free photography session to families after the loss of a baby. This organization is one Matt and I wished we had not had to learn about but are eternally thankful for. My goal this year is to donate $500 in honor of Rowan and Finn's 2nd birthday. This would fund a photography session for four families who have experienced the loss of a baby. Please consider making a donation so that families can have access to these photographers like we did in the hospital. If you would like to participate in the virutal walk this spring you can also join our team.

Finn's story: 

On Friday, March 15, 2019, I spent my birthday at a routine utlrasound appointment where I got to hear both of my twins' healthy hearbeats. Little did I know this would be the last time I would get to hear their hearts beating together. They were perfect and almost the exact same size. Actually, the whole pregnancy had been pretty perfect as far as twin pregnancies go. My twins were di/di meaning they were each safely in their own sac and had their own placenta...the least risky type of twin pregnancy. 

On Tuesday, March 19th I had my last growth ultrasound. I was excited to see how big the boys were going to be when I had my c-section on Thursday. It was Matt's last day of work before his FMLA started so I went to the appointment alone. It was actually the only appointment Matt had not been able to go to throughout the entire pregnancy. Sadly, it was during this ultrasound that I learned that Finn no longer had a heartbeat. It was the worst moment of my life. I called Matt, who was working in the ER at the time, and he came as fast as he could. Because we didn't know what had caused Finn's heartbeat to stop, my doctor decided it would be best to deliver both of the boys as soon as possible. 

In complete disbelief, we rushed to the hospital only to find out we would have to wait 6 hours before my c-section all because I had eaten breakfast that morning. Those were the longest 6 hours of my life. During my time that I had to wait in L&D, my nurse asked me if I would be interested in having a photographer come take pictures of the twins after they were born. At the time I was completely numb and indecisive about all the things that were being discussed. I was scared and wasn't sure what Finn would even look like after I delivered him. I had never seen a dead baby before. My nurse brought up the photographer a few more times and stressed that she would need to call her to have her on standby if we wanted her. I can't even remember if we said yes but my nurse knew we would regret it if she wasn't there after the twins were delivered so she called her. I'm so thankful she made that call. 

Rowan and Finn were born at 37 weeks and 4 days on March 19th at 4:30 and 4:33pm. Rowan was 6lbs 2 oz and 18" long and Finn was 5lbs 11oz and 19.5" long. Both were beautiful and perfect in every way.  They were most definitely not identical. Finn had black curly hair (like his dada) and Rowan had bright red hair. Doctors were never able to determine what caused Finn’s heart to stop and that has been so hard for me. He truly was perfect. 

Several hours later, up on the Mother/Baby floor, our Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep photographer quietly entered our room. Coincidentally she too was also a twin. We had Finn cooling on a cuddle cot next to me while Rowan slept peacefully in his bassinet next to him. She moved with grace and compassion as she took the most beautiful pictures of Finn and of all 3 of my boys together. Most importantly, she took the only pictures we will every have of our family together.  

All NILMDTS photographers are volunteers. They do not charge for their services or for the photographs. Today, we have these photographs printed and framed around our house and on our desks at work. I wear a photo of the twins snuggled together in a locket. We consider these photos one of our most prized possessions. This organization provides training for medical professionals on the services they provide, trains volunteer photographers and offers free retouch services for photographs. We are eternally grateful to have these beautiful pictures of Finn, Rowan and our entire family together and we hope that this organization will always be available to moms and dads who endure the loss of a baby.