Zachary took his life on June 28, 2022 after a long and difficult struggle with PTSD. He had a high-functioning PTSD and his struggles were kept deep inside him. No one saw this tragedy coming.
Zachary went to Christian school until 4th grade when we moved to the country to start our alpaca farm. He was loved by his teachers and fellow classmates. He was the tallest in his class even at a very young age and I think it gave him a kind of perspective over people. He used it all through his life to help people any way he could. He was a very active and inquisitive child always getting into things with both feet, both hands and usually his head! He loved our animals completely. Always, no matter who it was, dog or cat, alpaca, hamster, or turtle. Loved them all. As a 10 year-old he taught our chickens how to crow the Theme from Star Wars, or so he thought. He had a big rock out behind our house and he called it his ‘thinking rock’. That rock was used for thinking and a whole bunch of other things like smashing pumpkins for the deer, building snowmen, and taking out the front end of dad’s Cub Cadet mower. He had so many friends that our house became the hub in the woods for all things Nerf. Living so far away from the city and school and with extracurricular activities in the balance we, as a family, decided to homeschool. Celine and Zak successfully completed education with VLACS. A virtual learning academy online, based in Florida, go figure. This flexibility allowed the children to go to the Big E and Northeast Alpaca Shows as they showed our alpacas. Zak was employed as gate keep there for 1,100 animals. He was just 11 years old at this point. They learned animal husbandry, sustainability, and genetics through the farm as well as ‘manure management’ as Zak called it.
As the years went on, Celine went and got her Adult Black Belt in karate as Zachary was held back by his many broken bones and dislocations. The bones broken mainly from being a boy and not from karate although he did do a weapon demo move on a girl and punched a rock hard. That one was worth a video game after the ER visit. They knew us by name. We laughed at the funeral about Zak running up a tree at Salisbury Old Home Day. The tree was covered with moss, so it didn’t end well. The rescue squad was called. Zak finally got his black belt to join his sister in an almost 10-year journey. The best 10 years of our kid’s life, and our lives. Not so much the Subaru though.
After karate Zak did a season of rowing crew for the Concord Crew Team. By this time, he was 6’2” and too tall for the position he was good at. Short lived sport for sure. Of course, at the same time he was in karate, he was in Civil Air Patrol with the Air Force. He did that for 4 years running concurrently with karate class, performance weapons, and teaching 4-5 year-old’s karate 101. He flew a Cessna from Montpelier, VT to Mt. Washington in NH and back while attending Boot Camp in Norwich, VT for Civil Air Patrol. He was excited because he held his puke until he got off the aircraft. Very big deal. Not so interested in the Air Force after that though. At the same time the karate, the crew and the Civil Air Patrol was going on, Zak was taking guitar lessons from a pretty-famous guitar player who performed weekly in Boston. That was the one hour a week I could grab a cup of hot coffee and just sit and catch my breath. Zak never stopped loving his guitar or music in general and Paul was so proud of his music. Always making music. Sound. Magical sounds. We once told him we would pay at a club to hear that kind of mellow, jazzy, mix. He just brushed it off as always, because he never made anything about him.
Zak came home one day in the fall of his sophomore year and told us he had signed himself up to be a Marine. We were called in to the station and interviewed and they told us that he could exercise there but that was all. He was only 16. Zak went to the Recruiting Station twice a week for a year to work out with the other recruits getting ready to ship out. At 17, Zak had us sign a waiver to allow him to fully participate and he was awarded a long-term entry certificate so he could finish school. He would drive around 3 towns picking up kids and bringing them to PT twice a week and then back home again. He continued this all through his last year of high school. Those were amazing memories for him. He was on a mission for our country. He was also sharing God’s promise with all of those whom he touched.
Zak graduated summa cum laude after going to Merrimack Valley his Senior year. He wanted cooking class, German, and Music Theory and by this time his high school classes were done, I was done. He was working on college credits. The Marine Corps called him up early. He graduated in the principal’s office on a Friday and shipped out the following Monday. Zachary was the only recruit from New England that had ever gotten the Presidential MOS appointment. (MOS is the job that he would be doing in the Corps). He was assigned to Washington, DC to be the Presidential Detail, by the President’s side. He was more than humbled by the experience, as many don’t get through the security clearances and training. Zak achieved the highest-level security clearance our government has, please don’t wonder why mom has no Facebook or Instagram and probably never will. He graduated Parris Island as a US Marine on August 30, 2019. He finished the Crucible, the last leg of his training, with a fractured foot. He carried one of his teammates over one-half mile on his back as the boy was spent and couldn’t continue. ‘Where we go one, we go all’ Zak would tell me. He was all about teamwork, literally until the end. Zak entered SOI and MCAS training in North Carolina and achieved a Sharpshooter Award and a promotion. He went on to sniper training and was hit with a flash bang stun grenade in the face in February 2020. His MOS was immediately revoked, his clearances negated. His eye had a 2 cm piece of shrapnel imbedded into it, his hearing gone in one ear, and he was severely concussed. Zachary was honorably discharged from the US Marine Corps in April 2020. It was the end of his dream and the beginning of a very dark time in his life. Zak decided to move to Florida last fall on his birthday, September 1, with a couple of his friends from work. They were returning home and wanted to take him along. Paul and I were already well into the construction of our new home in Melbourne and it was rather nice to have Zachary down close to us. He enrolled in Full Sail University on a full military scholarship with a major in Audio Engineering. He was still playing guitar, this time through a synthesizer. He was employed by a club in downtown Orlando and was made manager of all-things kitchen in short order. He loved the place, loved his friends, the owners, everyone. He was doing so well. We saw him and his friends on Memorial Day for the annual family BBQ. That was the last time. He hadn’t looked good to me the last few times I had seen him, like he was preoccupied. Gave me those 6’5” hugs; (kinda like hugging a palm tree with hair). One of the last things he told me was that he wanted to hit his goal weight of 180. My last text from Zak was the scale reading 180 lbs. No words, just his goal in black and white. He had made it.
We three are in so much pain, disbelief, and sadness. It is inaudible. But we know one thing that keeps us day to day, that Zak is saved in the grace of Jesus Christ and that he is in heaven with our loving Lord. No more duty, no more pain. Our baby is home. Now let's put on our running shoes and remember him in the way that he would expect, full throttle.
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